Attachment Parenting

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Attachment Parenting is an instinctual approach to raising children that is rooted in trust, respect, and deep emotional bonds. It is based on the premise that securely attached children are empowered to become secure, compassionate adults able to build healthy, fulfilling relationships. Attachment Parenting International (API), a nonprofit advocacy group whose principal goal is to "heighten global awareness of the profound significance of secure attachment" says it beautifully: "The long range vision of Attachment Parenting is to raise children who will become adults with a highly developed capacity for empathy and connection. It eliminates violence as a means for raising children, and ultimately helps to prevent violence in society as a whole."

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What Makes A Secure Attachment? Secure attachment describes the kind of strong, intimate relationship that grows between a mother (usually) and baby who stay in close physical contact and communication. Secure attachment is actually measured in scientific research by the baby's stress level during separation from mom, relief in her return, and ability to comfortably explore surroundings with mom present (an insecurely attached baby will not feel comfortable enough letting go of mom to get down and explore). The Principles Of Attachment Parenting Are: Bonding at Birth: Attachment Parenting begins with parents educating themselves BEFORE their baby's birth, as much as possible, about their birthing options and the routine procedures commonly performed by their primary care provider (OB/GYN, Midwife, etc.). Parents who ask questions and make informed decisions about their birth experience are able to prevent medically unnecessary interventions that may interfere with their early bonding time. Breastfeeding: The breastfeeding relationship between mother and baby plays a major role in secure attachment, and is so critical to every aspect of baby's development. Attachment Parenting families appreciate the sacred nature of this relationship and gather the support necessary to maintain it (LLL meetings, other nursing friends, online support forums, lots and lots of education). Co-sleeping: Co-sleeping is not a new practice, in fact our western culture is the only culture that consistently puts infants to sleep alone in separate beds. Co-sleeping gives baby the closeness and security he needs at night, prevents SIDS, allows mom to get the sleep she needs, nurtures the breastfeeding relationship, and when practiced through toddler-hood contributes to your child's sense of security and well-being. Babywearing: Wearing baby in a sling throughout the day gives him a far more nurturing, stimulating, comforting, and secure place in the family than a swing or bouncy seat could. Babywearing fulfills the need for close physical contact and motion that the human baby's brain and body require for healthy development, and fully integrates baby into the family's activities and interactions (rather than being a passive observer from the floor/bouncy seat/playpen etc.). Babywearing help maintain a balance in the family, as baby slings are a wonderful means for dad to bond with baby. Responding to baby's cries: The Attachment Parenting philosophy recognizes crying as a form of communication and a survival mechanism, not a means of manipulation. Even if your baby is crying "just to be picked up," she is communicating a genuine need; being held is essential to her health and development! Respecting the language value of an infant's cry not only honors your parental instincts to meet the baby's needs, but sends a message that says "What you have to say has value, your needs are valid, and we're going to make sure they're met." Securely attached babies have parents who are highly responsive to their cries. Being sensitive to your baby's cries models compassion and empathy not only to your baby but also to big siblings (who will usually instinctively try to comfort a crying baby anyway). Positive Discipline: Positive discipline is about parenting without violence or degradation. It's about allowing children to make choices and then allowing them the dignity of handling the natural consequences of their choices. It's about finding solutions rather than imposing punishments, looking for the underlying reasons for a behavior rather than punishing the behavior. The goal of positive discipline is nurture self-control, empathy, and compassion, as well as respect for self and others. Balance: Keeping balance in the family means everyone's needs are recognized and met. Even mom gets a break! An important part of the Attachment Parenting philosophy is self-care, including taking time to fulfill your own emotional (and mental, physical, social, creative) needs are met. Taking care of number 1 makes you a happier person and a better parent. Obviously, every family is unique, and raising a family according to Attachment Parenting philosophy isn't about following a set or rules or guidelines. Many families parent this way instinctively with no knowledge of Attachment Parenting research. Attachment Parenting is just a label for an approach, interpreted uniquely by each family, with each applying the principles in accordance with their interpretation. There is a wealth of information available about the benefits of every aspect of Attachment Parenting, from scientific research articles, to support groups, to advocacy groups and online support forums. Here are some links for additional information: Attachment Parenting International Babywearing info from Dr. Sears, well known pediatrician and Attachment Parenting Advocate La Leche League Education and support for breastfeeding Co-sleeping Information about the safety and benefits of co-sleeping The Natural Child Project Parenting and education that respects children, articles about positive discipline/attachment parenting Mothering Magazine Information and discussion forums for all things Attachment Parenting